Trust and Fear
by TheSongSmith
Summary: Chad keeps himself locked away behind his attitude to protect himself. But when Sonny is in trouble, can he open up enough to come to the rescue? Can a moment of weakness bring them together and heal them both?
1. Admiration

**Hey everyone! So this is a revamp of the first fan fiction I ever wrote. I started it about 4 or so years ago, and it was horrible, so I saved a copy and took it down. Now I'm bored, so I thought I'd start rewriting it and see if I can make it better. We'll see what happens.**

* * *

**CPOV**

_Wow, she's beautiful_ the voice in my head said as I watched Sonny in the cafeteria. She was reading, as she often was, and she looked like an angel.

_What do you think you're doing?!_ Another voice said. _You're Chad Dylan Cooper, and she's just…a Random. She's not a supermodel or an heiress or anyone special._

_She's special because she's Sonny_ the first voice argues. _She doesn't need anything else._

"Shut up!" I mumble to both of them, apparently out loud, as the man a few tables down stares at me. Note to self: don't talk to yourself out loud. I check my watch, disappointed that I have to be back on set in a few minutes when I'd rather be sitting here staring at Sonny. I take one last look at her on my way out, and end up crashing into a trashcan. I bolt through the doors before she can look up and see me. One day, maybe, I'll be honest with her. But not today.

**SPOV**

"Tawni, you can't do this! It's my dressing room too!" I yell at the locked door.

"Yeah," she yells back, "But only one of us has a date tonight!" I sigh, trying the handle once more before giving up and retreating to the cafeteria. I settle into a corner with a book that I thankfully brought with me and manage to get lost in the romantic love story. That is, until there's a loud bang, and I look up to see a flash of blonde hair running from the room. I check my watch, seeing that it's been a few hours since I started and that Tawni has probably left already. I packed up my stuff, watching dark grey clouds roll in outside the window with a nervous twinge in the stomach. Quickly, I go back to the dressing room to grab the rest of my stuff, intending to make it home before the storm sets in, but I have a sinking feeling as I reach the doors and find a thunderstorm in full swing. The memories start to flood my mind, and it's all I can do to sink down against the wall and hope they stop soon.

* * *

**Short, I know, but this was my practice chapter to see if I could really improve upon what I'd done before. Please let me know if you like it! If you do, I'll keep going.**

**Love,**

**TheSongSmith**


	2. Storm

**Woahhh new chapter! Yay! I'm enjoying revamping this so far, so enjoy it with me!**

* * *

**CPOV**

Finally, after a long day filming I can't wait to go home. I look out the window and see pouring rain, so I double back and grab an umbrella before heading towards the exit. Suddenly, I hear soft, pained noises coming from around the corner. It sounds like crying. I slowly peer around the corner to see a small figure huddled into a ball near the doors. As much as I wish I could just pass by and pretend not to notice, it would be impossible to make that believable, so instead I try to figure it out. The long hair obscures the figure's face, but it's clear that, whoever it is, they're very upset. Carefully, I creep closer, listening to the soft sobs and wondering what could be causing them. "Um…Excuse me," I say finally, "Are you alright?"

Startled, the figure looks up, strands of hair sticking to tearstained cheeks. It takes a moment to register that this is Sonny, and when I finally realize it, I know I have to help. She sniffs a little, shrinking back against the wall, probably expecting some snarky reply. Instead, I slowly crouch down in front of her. "Sonny? What's wrong?" She watches me, suspicious for a moment, but realizing that I'm the only one left who could help her. She glances nervously out the window as I start to connect the pieces. "You're scared of the storm?" She nods slowly. I know there has to be more to the story than the fear of getting struck by lightning, but I don't ask. "How are you getting home?" I ask instead.

She trembles a little. "M-My car is there, but…" she looks helplessly out the window again, and I know she hasn't gotten into her car for a reason. I'm not very good at comforting people, but I know I can't just leave her here.

"Okay. I have a car coming to pick me up. I'm sure the driver could drop you off at home on the way or something."

But she shakes her head. "I d-don't want to go home," she insists. "There's no one t-there. I don't w-want to be a-alone…" She looks down at her lap, avoiding my gaze.

I take a moment to assess the situation. This isn't just fear of being struck by lightning, or not wanting to go out in the rain. Whatever the problem is, Sonny is terrified, and while it may be simpler to leave her here, I have a feeling that she won't be able to handle it alone, especially considering how she was handling it before I got here. "You could come to my house," I say before I can stop myself. "There's no one there but me. We can wait out the storm together."

Her eyes snap up, searching my face for some sign that I'm making fun of her. After the way I've acted, I can't blame her. This has got to be odd for her. Hesitantly, she nods. "O-Okay…if you don't mind…"

I see the car pull up outside and offer her my hand, pulling her up from the ground. She looks warily out the window again. "Don't worry," I say, taking her hand, "You're safe." This seems to calm her a little, and we run to the car together, trying to avoid the rain as much as possible. Our efforts seem to be in vain, as we both tumble into the back seat soaking wet anyway.

I feel Sonny's eyes on me, and after a while I turn to look at her. "What?"

She blushes and looks away. "W-Why are you being so nice to me?" she asks.

I sigh, disappointed in myself that she's come to expect I wouldn't have helped her. "You needed help," I say. She nods, jumping as thunder cracks over head. Tentatively, I put an arm around her, surprised when she leans into the touch. As we pull up the driveway and a bolt of lightning flashes across the sky, a small whimper escapes her. "Sonny, it's alright," I assure her gently. "We'll be inside in no time." She nods and squeezes my hand as we run up to the house. I open the door quickly, and she gratefully slips inside. I observe her for a minute as she shivers from cold and fear, and find that even tearstained and terrified, she is beautiful. "Let's find you something to change into," I suggest, and she nods, following me upstairs. Her eyes take in the house, but she stays silent as we enter my bedroom. I pull out some old sweatpants and a t-shirt for her, and show her to the bathroom where she can change. I dry off and change quickly before sitting down on the bed to wait for her. She is done in a few minutes, and together we go downstairs to figure out what to eat for dinner. She looks slightly calmer now, and though she still jumps at the thunder, she looks more and more like the old Sonny. "Hey Chad?" she says over our pasta dinner, "Where's your family?"

"Well, my dad had to go on a business trip, so my mom went with him, and they decided to turn it into a long vacation. They'll be gone for a month or two. My sister is with our grandparents for the summer. What about yours?"

"My mom had to go back to Wisconsin," she explains. "My aunt was sick, and they needed help running things back home." She looks down at her plate, blushing a little. "I'm really sorry about all this."

I smile. "Don't be sorry. I was getting kind of lonely here anyway. I feel her watching me, but she stays silent. After dinner, we settle down on my bed to watch a movie. Sonny relaxes finally, forgetting about the storm. As the movie continues, she subtly shifts closer to me. Though the storm seems to be dying down, a particularly loud crack of thunder sounds over the house, and she squeaks, practically jumping into my arms. She trembles a little, and I can't help but hug her. Oddly, the contact seems to soothe her a bit, and I hold her until she falls asleep against my shoulder. Asleep, Sonny looks like an angel; peaceful and beautiful. I watch her dream, listening to the even sounds of her breathing for a few hours. After a while, she frowns, muttering something. "Sonny?" I call softly. She stirs, but doesn't wake, and her voice takes on a more panicked tone. I shake her gently until she wakes with a gasp. Her eyes are wide with fear as they scan the room. "Sonny, are you okay?"

She nods slowly. "Yeah…sorry."

I rub her back gently. "It's fine, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I pause, taking a breath, before asking the big question. "Sonny? Why are you so afraid of storms?"

She goes red a little, staring down at her lap. She's quiet for so long that I don't think she's going to answer my question, but suddenly, she speaks. "When I was really young, I was in the car with my dad during a big storm. He lost control and we crashed. I was alright, but he died on impact. Ever since then, I've been terrified of them. They always remind me of him, and I think one day I'll die in one too."

I carefully wrap my arms around her, pulling her closer. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

She smiles a little. "No one does except my mom. Most people just think I'm weird."

"Well I don't think you're weird," I assure her. "I completely understand being afraid of things associated with painful memories."

She looks up, curious. "You do? I thought Chad Dylan Cooper wasn't afraid of anything."

I chuckle. "Well, Chad Dylan Cooper might not be, but plain old Chad is."

She nods thoughtfully. "And what sorts of things is Chad afraid of?" I shrug vaguely, and she smiles. "Come on, you can tell me. I told you mine."

"Well," I start, "The thing is…Chad is afraid of lots of things for lots of reasons."

"Alright then, why don't you tell me just one of the things, so we're even?"

I hesitate, but I suppose that's fair. "I can't swim," I admit, "Because I was always too afraid of drowning in the pool to learn."

She smiles, snuggling closer. "Okay. You should try to get some rest too." I nod, but wait until she is deeply asleep against me to close my eyes. Holding her in my arms feels right, and I drift off into a peaceful sleep with her comforting warmth beside me.

* * *

**Cute fluffytimes. Yay! Please review and let me know how you think I'm doing! It makes me happy.**

**Hugs and Butterfly Kisses,**

**TheSongSmith**


	3. Truth

**Hey guys! Thanks for all your lovely reviews, they made me happy!**

* * *

**SPOV**

I wake up to Chad thrashing in his sleep. He looks upset, and keeps mumbling "No…"

I brush his hair back gently. "Chad, wake up." He stirs, but remains firmly locked in his nightmare. I shake him until he wakes up, pulling away from me. "Chad, it's me. What's wrong?" He looks at me silently for a minute as he gasps for breath. Then, suddenly, he throws his arms around me. I hug him back, feeling his heart race as he shakes. Whatever he was dreaming about, it was bad. "Shh, it's alright Chad," I murmur. "You're safe, it was just a dream." He calms a little bit, pulling back. He takes a deep breath, rubbing his hands over his face in an attempt to covertly wipe tears.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, staring down at his lap.

"It's alright," I assure him. "Do you want to talk about it?" He shrugs, but doesn't say no. "Was it about the fear you told me about?" He shakes his head. "Was it about one of the other fears?" He nods. "Can you tell me about it?"

He hesitates, refusing to meet my gaze. "There are…a lot of things you don't know about me, Sonny," he says quietly.

I nod. "Well I'd like to know if you'd like me to."

He looks up warily. "Really?"

"Sure. I'd love to listen if you want to tell me."

Chad frowns a little, and I can see him thinking about it. "I don't think you really know me at all."

I nod, reaching over to take his hand. "No, but I'd like to."

"Really?" he asks. "But you hate me."

"I do not hate you!" I insist. "I may not agree with your behavior all the time, and sometimes you can be kind of…"

"A jerk?" he offers.

"Yes. But that doesn't mean I hate you. I really would like to get to know the real you if you'd like to tell me."

He considers it for a long moment. "What do you want to know?" he says finally.

"Anything you want to tell me," I say encouragingly. "What about…why do you act like a different person all the time?"

"Because the real me isn't someone people want."

I frown. "I don't think that's true. Why wouldn't people want you?"

He shakes his head slowly. "Because I'm broken."

I pull him closer. "I don't think so. But even if you were, I wouldn't not want you. Come on Chad, you can be honest with me. What is it?"

He hesitates, taking a deep breath. "Well, I'm sort of…adopted."

"So what?" I ask, puzzled. "Plenty of people are adopted. That doesn't make them broken."

"No," he agrees, "It doesn't. It's the reason I was up for adoption that makes me broken." I stay quiet, hoping he'll explain. "I was, um…abused by my real family," he whispers finally, cringing. "In a lot of ways."

All the pieces start to come together with this sentence, and I hug him gently. "Oh Chad, I'm so sorry," I murmur. "You don't have to tell me any details if you don't want. Just know that it doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned."

He looks at me for a minute as if trying to decide something. "I do want to tell you," he says finally. "I just…I'm worried that if you know, things will change, and that can't happen."

"Why can't things change?" I ask, puzzled.

He swallows, looking away. "Because, I…I feel…" he pauses to collect himself. "I feel something…for you…that I've never felt with anyone else. I feel like I can tell you things I've never even told my parents. And that…that's the scariest thing of all. I've never had that feeling before."

"Have you told your parents the details?" I ask. He shakes his head. "Well," I say, "I'm very honored that you trust me that much. Do you know what it is you feel?"

Chad thinks in silence for a minute. "Sonny, I…the reason I act like a jerk is because if I don't get close to people, they can't hurt me. But I don't feel like I have to do that around you. Which is scary and kind of nice at the same time. The truth is, I've wanted to get close to you for a long time, but there was always that fear holding me back. And when I saw you in the hallway, it kind of forced me to, and I'm glad, because…I…I think I…love you…And I don't want you to feel bad for me and just say you love me back when you don't. I'd rather just know the truth and I know it's weird and I don't want anything to change because then things between us might, and-"

I cut him off by pressing my lips to his softly. Though shocked for a moment, he soon responds before pulling away a few inches. "Sonny…?" he asks, unsure.

I smile. "Chad, I love you too. I knew there was someone worthwhile underneath Chad Dylan Cooper. I was so glad when you helped me. And you don't have to worry about things changing, no matter what you tell me. I love you."

He smiles for the first time since waking. "You have no idea how good that is to hear."

"So don't worry. You can tell me anything, and I promise that won't change. Do you want to tell me?"

He hesitates, but nods. I wait patiently, rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb. After a long moment, he starts. "I, um…my family never liked me. I don't know why, but they'd find any reason to do bad things to me. I got taken away from them when I was six. My new family adopted me a year or so later. I never told them the details. I didn't think they would want me if they knew."

I nod slowly, thinking. "Chad? You don't have to answer if you don't want, but did they abuse you…physically?"

"Among other ways," he admits. "Emotionally. Verbally…"

"And…sexually?" I ask.

He nods reluctantly, a crease forming in his forehead. "Yeah…that too."

I hug him tightly. "Oh Chad, I'm so sorry." He sniffles a little, and I raise his chin until he looks at me. "This doesn't change how I feel about you. I still love you just as much, if not more. And now a lot of things make sense."

He shrugs sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess that's kind of the reason behind a lot of things."

I hesitate for a moment before I ask my next question. "Chad? Do you…want to be with me? It's alright to say no, I'm just wondering."

He closes his eyes for a minute, taking a breath. "Yes," he says finally. "I want that more than anything. But I'm not sure if I can. I haven't ever been that close to someone. I'll probably end up doing something stupid because I'm afraid, and I'll hurt you."

I sigh, kissing his cheek. "No you won't, because we are going to help you."

He looks up at me, puzzled. "We are?"

"Yes, we are. Neither of us is perfect. We both have issues. And since we're both alone for the summer, we can work on them together."

He considers it. "Really?" he asks again. "I mean, you don't have to do this for my sake. I'll be fine."

I shake my head. "I'm not doing it for your sake; I'm doing it for our sake. And yes, really. I want to help. And I need help too, so it's not like you wouldn't be contributing. This could be good for both of us."

He hesitates. "Are you sure this is really what you want? Because I don't think I could handle you changing your mind."

I smile, gently pressing my lips to his. "I love you, Chad. I'm sure."

It takes him a minute, but he kisses me back. "Alright then," he nods, "I trust you."

"Good. So let's go have breakfast."

I take his hand, watching a slow smile creep across his face. "Hey Sonny?" he murmurs.

"Hmm?"

He smiles wider. "I love you."

* * *

**Wooo! Yay for love. Review!**

**~TheSongSmith**


	4. Water

**New chapter!**

* * *

**CPOV**

"So," I say as we drive back to retrieve Sonny's car, "Do you have any sort of plan for how we're going to do this?" Though I am relieved that I've finally told somebody the truth, I'm more than a little worried about this idea.

"I do," she says. "But first I'll need to get some stuff." She pauses. "I guess I never asked you if you minded me staying."

I smile. "Stay as long as you'd like. It's nice having someone around."

She nods. "Okay then. I will. I'm going to stop at my house and pack some stuff, and then we'll get started."

I nod as we pull into the studio lot, though I don't really want her to go.

Seemingly sensing this, she turns to me. "Want to come with me? You can follow me to my house. I'm not sure I remember the way back to yours anyway."

"Yeah, sure. I'll follow." Twenty minutes later I'm sitting on Sonny's bed as she packs. "So," I say again, "What's the plan?"

She smiles, leaning over to kiss my cheek quickly before resuming her task. "Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything without talking to you about it first. I was thinking we could start with swimming. It would be a good trust exercise for you." I occupy myself with the pictures on her nightstand in an effort to hide my nerves from her. After a minute or two with no response, she walks over and sits beside me. "Chad?" she asks. "Look at me please." Slowly, I do. "You know I won't let anything happen to you. I promise you'll be completely safe. I just need you to trust me a little bit. Do you think you can do that?"

I have to think about it for a minute, but I nod. "Yes. I'll try. I know it's important."

Sonny smiles again. "Okay. Good." She finishes packing and we drive back to the house.

"Hey, Sonny?" I ask cautiously.

"Hmm?"

"I was just wondering…um…what you…thought we are."

She frowns, puzzled for a moment. "What do you mean?"

"Well, uh, this morning, we sort of…said a lot of things…and I was wondering what you…thought about it."

She smiles. "Oh, that. Well, I thought I made my feelings pretty clear. What do you think?"

"What do I think? Um…well I do like you a lot...but you know that already."

She nods. "Well, why don't we just see where it goes? The important thing is I'm here for you."

I nod. "Okay. But, um, Sonny?"

She raises an eyebrow. "Yes Chad?"

I smile. "Would it be okay if I kissed you right now?"

She giggles. "I think that can be arranged." Slowly, I lean in and press my lips to hers. Smiling, she pulls away after a minute. "Sonny," I say, "You know you don't have to do this, right? I mean, I have a lot of issues. This isn't going to be easy. And I completely understand if you don't want to."

She shakes her head. "Chad, you listen to me. I want to do this. I care about you, and I want to help. Do you want to do it?"

I nod. "I know I need help."

"Okay then, it's settled. We're doing it." I have to smile at how sure she is. "Are you ready to start?"

"Now?" I ask uneasily. She nods. "Um…Yeah. Just let me change." I run upstairs, trying to hide my nerves from here. When I return, however, there is no hiding them, as I start shaking a little upon entering the pool room. I try to will my body to stop, but its set on betraying me.

Sonny sits by the side of the pool, looking up when I enter. She smiles. "I was starting to think you weren't going to come." She walks over slowly, taking my hand. "Don't be nervous Chad. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I thought we could talk first." She leads me over to the side of the pool, far away from the edge, and sits down on the floor, pulling me to sit next to her. "So," she says, "Do you know why you're so afraid of this?"

"Just bad memories I guess."

She nods. "And what memory do you associate with the water?"

I swallow. "Um…once I fell into a pool and almost drowned."

"Is that the truth?"

"No."

"Can you tell me the truth please?"

I take a deep breath. "I didn't fall. I was pushed."

"By your parents?" she asks. I nod. "Alright, well I promise you you're not going to drown with me here. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." She pauses, looking me over for a second. "You're shaking."

I nod. "I know. Just ignore it."

She kisses my cheek softly. "Deep breaths, Chad. It'll be alright." She stands, pulling me up and leading me to the stairs. "We're going to take this one step at a time, okay? If it gets bad, tell me. I don't want you to have a panic attack or something."

A small, nervous laugh escapes me. "That would be bad." Sonny steps onto the first step, the water lapping her ankles. Gripping her hand tightly, I follow.

She smiles. "See, this isn't so bad." She steps down again, waiting patiently until I follow. We continue this slow pace until we stand on the very last step before the pool floor. "Ready?" she asks. I shake my head. "Scared?" I nod. Carefully, she wraps her arms around my waist. "Can you tell me what's going on inside your head?"

With her arms around me, it's a little easier to focus. "I know you won't let me get hurt. It's just hard to remember that all the time, when the last time I was in this position it was so dangerous."

She nods thoughtfully. "Well, I told you we'd take it slow. All I want to do today is just get you in the pool for a little while. You're almost there. It's only a couple more inches to the lowest point we're gonna go today. Is there anything I can do to make it easier?"

I think for a moment. What she's doing right now is helping, but I feel like a child asking for it. "Well, um…would you…" I feel my face go red.

"I'll hold onto you if you'd like," she offers. I nod. Sonny leans up to kiss my cheek. "You don't have to be embarrassed. It's okay." She steps down to the bottom of the pool, turning to face me, her arms wrapping around my neck as she rests her head against my collarbone. "Take your time. We've got all day." I nod, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her closer. It's much easier to keep it together when I can focus on her presence. After a minute or two of pulling myself together, I slowly join her on the floor of the pool. She grins. "You did it!" she exclaims, hugging me tightly.

I smile, relaxing a little. "I couldn't have if it wasn't for you." She smiles back, kissing me softly.

"I'm so proud of you," she says. "Thank you."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "For what?"

"For trusting me. I know this was hard for you, so thank you. Ready to get out?"

"That's it?" I ask, puzzled.

She nods. "That's it for today. I just wanted you to get this far. You did even better than I thought you would." She smiles. "Come on, let's go get changed." I follow her out of the pool and upstairs, where we both change before settling down on the couch. "So," she asks, shifting closer to me, "Was it as horrible as you thought it would be?"

I shake my head. "It was much better. I thought I was going to have a panic attack or something. You're really good at this."

She smiles. "Thank you. What do you think helped the most?"

I take a breath. "Well, it was easier to stay calm when you were…near me, or…touching me. Which is really weird for me, because usually that goes the opposite way. Usually I try not to let other people touch me, because it always reminded me of what my parents did."

She nods thoughtfully. "That's understandable."

I nod. "Yeah, but it's different with you. I've never had that before. For some reason, when it's you, it's calming instead of the other way around. Thank you for not thinking I was weird."

"I would never think that!" she insists. "I've got issues too. And you shouldn't be embarrassed about asking for it. I know when I'm scared, the first thing I want is a hug. It's okay to want that. I'm not gonna make fun of you."

"I know," I admit. "I just got so used to hiding that from people, that it's weird now that I don't have to. I'm working on it."

She smiles. "I know you are. And you're doing a great job. Let's just relax tonight. I think we could both use it."

"Want to order a pizza and watch a movie?" I suggest.

Sonny laughs. "That sounds perfect."

* * *

**Yay! Please review you guys, you have no idea how excited it makes me to see those little messages!**

-TheSongSmith  



	5. Sleep

**Hooray for updates!**

* * *

**SPOV**

I wake up next to a peacefully sleeping Chad. I stroke his cheek lightly, smiling as he snuggles closer. It's nice to see him tranquil for once, instead of being plagued by nightmares. He stirs, slowly opening his eyes. I giggle. "Morning sleepyhead."

He closes his eyes again. "Morning…" he mumbles sleepily.

I lightly brush my fingers through his hair. "Come on, it's time to wake up."

He shakes his head. "No…"

"Yes, it is."

"Five more minutes…" he insists.

I laugh, holding him close. After a minute or so, he blinks up at me. "No nightmares…" he murmurs. "That hasn't happened in…years…"

I frown. "You had nightmares every night?"

"Well yeah, when I didn't…" he stops. "Nevermind."

"No, tell me. When you didn't what?" He sighs, reluctantly getting up and going into the bathroom. He returns holding a bottle of small white pills. "What are those?" I ask.

"Sleeping pills. I got a doctor to prescribe them for me years ago. When the nightmares got bad, I took them so I wouldn't dream anymore. I just realized, since you've been here I haven't taken any, and I didn't have nightmares even without them. That's kind of a first for me." He climbs back into bed, snuggling up with me. "I haven't slept that well in years…"

I smile, kissing his cheek. "Well I'm glad you're making progress. Speaking of that, I had an idea that might help."

"Oh?"

"Mhm. I know that you're uncomfortable with touch a lot of the time because of what it reminds you of. I was thinking that maybe if you could associate it with a good memory, it wouldn't be so hard for you."

He nods sleepily. "And how do you suppose we do that?"

"I haven't gotten that far," I admit.

He chuckles. "Well it sounds like a good idea if you can figure out a way to do it."

I nod as he closes his eyes again. "Sleepy?" I ask. He nods. "Go back to bed then. I'll be here." Within a few minutes he begins snoring again, and I start to think about ways to achieve my plan. I don't think touching him during his swimming lessons will be enough; there are too many other things for him to focus on. He needs to be confronted with it head on if he's going to move past the memories that plague him. I watch him sleep as I think, but he seems peaceful as ever. When he wakes up again, it's almost noon. He slowly becomes aware of himself, rubbing his eyes. I smile. "Good morning sleepyhead."

He chuckles. "Morning. How's your plan working?"

"Pretty well actually. I think I might know what to do."

"That's nice," he replies. His stomach grumbles loudly, and he laughs. "Let's go eat." We sit on the couch together to eat, chatting idly. "Big storm supposed to come tonight," he remarks. "I guess it's time for my part of the deal, huh?"

I smile. "I trust you. I'm sure we'll be just fine."

He smiles at that. "I'm glad." We hang out for a while, and when I glance out the window I see dark clouds gathering. Chad squeezes my hand. "Don't worry. Wait there for just a second." I sit to wait for him, listening to him run around the house, opening cabinets and then heading up to his room. When he returns, he takes my hand. "Right this way." He leads me up to his room, and I gasp at what I see. There are candles lit and snacks set out amongst a nest of pillows and blankets.

"Chad, what is all this?" I ask.

He shrugs. "I thought we could have a movie night."

I smile. "That was very thoughtful of you. Thank you." He smiles, motioning me towards the bed as he slips a disc into the DVD player. I sit down amongst the pillows, snuggling up to him when he joins me. As the opening menu begins to play, the rain starts pouring down, a bolt of lightning streaking across the sky. I look up nervously, and Chad takes my hand. "It's okay," he says. "We're safe." I nod, snuggling closer, managing to get into the movie. When it ends, I look up to see that the storm has passed. Chad smiles. "You did it!" He hugs me tightly. "I'm so proud of you." I smile, kissing him softly. "So," he says, do I get to know what your idea was?"

I smile. "I thought I could give you a massage. That way you could get more used to enjoying touch again What do you think?"

I watch his face as he considers it. "I…I don't know," he says hesitantly. "I think it will work, it just…makes me nervous."

I nod, hugging him close. "I know it does Chad, and that's okay. It's normal to be nervous when you have memories like the ones you do. But you know I would never hurt you, don't you?" He nods slowly. "Well if you're still nervous, I'll make you a deal. You can pick a safe word, any word you want, and if it gets really bad and you want me to stop, all you have to do is say it and I will. You don't have to feel bad about wanting to stop. This is a process. Is that better?"

He thinks for a moment, then nods. "Okay. I guess I can try. Just don't be mad if I freak out."

"Chad, I would never be mad at you for that. This is really hard, and the fact that you're trying makes me very happy. Don't worry about upsetting me. If you need to use it, please do."

He nods again. "Okay. I will. I promise."

* * *

**Wooo, plans :D Review!**

**Love,**

**TheSongSmith**


	6. Relaxation

**Woo, new chapter! I should be studying for finals and such, but…oops. Enjoy!**

* * *

**CPOV**

I'm officially completely insane. When Sonny brought her idea up, I agreed. I thought it was a great idea. It shouldn't be that hard, I thought, considering she's been touching me for the past week, and I've been sleeping next to her every night. As usual, I was wrong. I can't do this. I've managed to keep it together in front of her so far, but she's been out of the room for twenty minutes preparing God knows what, and I've been using that time to try not to completely freak out. I jump, even though the knock on the door is quiet. "Chad?" she calls, "Are you ready?"

I think for a long moment. "No."

Sonny is quiet for a minute. "Okay. Can I come in at least?"

Can she? I don't know. I don't really want her to know how scared I am, but she is pretty good at helping me with these things. "Yeah," I say finally, "You can come in."

Slowly, the door opens to reveal Sonny, who's holding a tray which she sets down before sitting down next to me. "Talk to me," she says. "What's wrong?"

I sigh. "I don't know, I just…I know that you wouldn't hurt me, and I know this is completely ridiculous because I've never had a problem with this before, and I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm…I'm…"

"Scared?" she suggests. I nod as she gently takes my hand. "Chad, we talked about this. It's okay to be scared. What are you afraid of?"

I have to think for a moment. "I guess I…don't want to remember what happened to me. I don't like thinking about it, and I'm worried that doing this will make me think about it."

She nods thoughtfully. "Okay. Did you think about the system we discussed before?"

"With the word? Yes, I have."

"And do you think it'll help?"

Slowly, I nod. "Yes, I think it will. I'm just nervous. I can't help it."

"I know you are, Chad," she says gently. "But I promise you don't have to do it alone. I'm going to be right here with you, no matter what happens."

Hesitantly, I look up at her. "Even if I freak out?"

She smiles. "Especially if you freak out. I promise. I'm with you. And we're going to take it in stages, just like your swimming. All you have to do today is just…get your feet wet, so to speak. Just give it a shot."

I nod, taking as deep a breath as I can manage. "Okay," I say finally, "I think I'm ready."

Sonny smiles again, leaning in to kiss my cheek before coaxing me into lying on my stomach. "Have you picked a word?" she asks.

"Yes. Well, sort of. I thought we could go with a sort of traffic light thing, where green means I'm fine, yellow means I need a minute, and red means I'm really freaking out."

She nods. "I think that sounds like a good system. Are you ready to give it a shot?" I nod slowly, trying to remember to breathe. I feel a light touch, Sonny's palm resting lightly on my shoulder. I know she's watching me carefully. After a moment, it slowly runs down the length of my back. Though a small shudder escapes me, I manage to keep it together. "How was that?" she asks.

"Not bad," I reply. "You can keep going." She nods, repeating the action on the other side. I tense a little as the memories begin to push at the edges of my mind, and she stills until I relax again. Then she slowly runs them back up to my shoulders. One of the memories forces its way into my head. "Yellow…" I manage.

Sonny stops immediately, her hands resting lightly on my back. "Okay. Let me know when you're ready. Is it okay if I leave my hands here, or would you like me to step back?"

I think for a moment. "It's okay. Just give me a minute." She nods, stilling and staying quiet as I grapple with the memories in my head. Instead of focusing on them, I manage to pull up an image of Sonny, one where her wet hair is plastered to tearstained cheeks, clinging to my hand like her life depends on it. I focus on it as hard as I can until it drowns out all the other memories.

Sonny starts speaking, but it takes a moment before her words reach me. "Chad? Chad, are you alright?"

I look back at her. "Yeah. Why?"

"You were silent for ten minutes. I started to worry."

I smile at her concern. "I was just thinking, that's all. You can continue." She looks at me for a minute, bewildered, but goes on. Her movements start to fade into the background, the accompaniment to the symphony of memories in my head. I remember her soft voice in the dark the night I woke up in tears; the way she held me until the nightmares faded away. I remember how eager she was to help me when I told her my story, and how happy she was when I got in the pool. The way her hair smells when I wake up next to her in the morning; a scent I can never fully name. Holding her against me during the storm. Even now, in the light touches of her fingers, I can feel how much she cares about me. That knowledge is enough to make me relax under her touch, and she's so surprised by it that she stops for a moment. "Hey Sonny?" I murmur.

"Hm?"

I smile, turning over and sitting up to hug her tightly. "Thank you. For everything."

She raises an eyebrow at me, but hugs me back. "You're welcome..."

"Oh," I say, "I'm sorry, were we done for today?"

Sonny smiles, leaning in to kiss me softly. "Yes we're done for the day. And I'd like to know what happened all of a sudden."

I grin, pulling her down beside me. "You did."

* * *

**Aww, the warm fuzzies! Review!**

**Love,**

**TheSongSmith**


	7. Float

**Woohoo for updates!**

* * *

**SPOV**

Sitting at the dinner table with Chad, I watch him as he wanders through his thoughts. Suddenly, he looks up at me. "How far does your plan go?" he asks curiously.

"For what? The swimming or the other stuff?"

He shrugs. "Both, I guess. Like, when we were in the pool, you said all you wanted me to get to that day was just getting in. But I assume you have more goals that that."

I nod. "Well, eventually, I'd like to teach you how to swim, so that you don't have to be afraid anymore. But we can do that one step at a time, so it's not too much. And as for the other stuff, I'd like to help you get to be comfortable and not have to worry about the memories all the time. We've seen it a little bit already, when you told me you haven't had any nightmares lately. You haven't had nightmares because you felt safer. If you can feel that way all the time, you can relax." I pause, trying to figure out how to word the next bit. "I also think that you're going to have to start talking through your memories if you want them to leave you alone."

He nods, a small shudder running through him. I reach for his hand across the table. "You're right," he says. "I've known that for a long time. I just never could bring myself to talk to anyone about them."

I nod. "How do you feel about doing that?"

Chad is quiet for a minute. "Scared. But I think that, if I were talking to you, I could probably do it."

"Okay," I say. "You can definitely talk to me. But we don't have to start that just yet. Let's focus on the smaller things and work up to that, okay?"

He smiles, relaxing. "Yeah. Thanks. So what's next?"

"Floating lessons," I decide. "In fact, why don't we get started?" Ten minutes later, Chad and I stand in the pool room again. "Ready?" I ask. He nods slowly and follows me over to the stairs. Though it's not necessarily fast, he's slightly more comfortable getting in this time. I make sure to keep contact with him, remembering how it helped last time. When we reach the bottom of the pool, I hug him. "Good job. Ready for the next lesson?"

He nods again. "How does this work?"

"Well we're going to start off simple. First we're going to learn about treading water. Watch me first." I demonstrate for him, and he watches carefully. "Alright, now I want you to try. Remember, we're in the shallow end, so even if it doesn't work at first, your feet will hit the ground and you'll be fine. I'll be right here the whole time" I instruct him slowly, holding him as he bends his knees, allowing most of his body to go under the water. He mimics my arm movements. "Alright Chad, that's perfect. Now pick your feet up off the floor, just for a minute."

"Easy for you to say," he mumbles, but slowly his feet come up a few inches from the floor. He hovers there shakily for a moment before touching down again.

I hug him. "That was great! See, it's not so hard. Alright, try again, and see how long you can stay there. Try to relax, you're not going anywhere." He tries again, and after a few minutes manages to relax slightly as he gets more used to the feeling.

"Can you hold onto me for a second?" he asks suddenly. I nod curiously, wondering what he's thinking. He takes both of my hands tightly and, at the same time, stops the movement, seeing if the water will truly hold him. He tenses as he sinks down a little farther, but when he realizes he's not going any lower, he smiles. "I never considered that before," he says thoughtfully. "I always thought I'd just sink to the bottom like a stone."

"Well that can happen if you're too tense, but if you relax you'll be just fine." I kiss his cheek lightly. "Good job honey. Do you want to stop now, or do you think it would be okay to keep going?" I ask as his feet return to the floor.

His confidence boosted by his success, he smiles. "What's next?"

"Let's see…alright, we're going to try floating on your back for a bit. Don't panic, I'll hold onto you."

He nods, making an effort to take deep breaths as I instruct him. I put an arm at his back and under his knees, essentially holding him under the water. He laughs. "This looks completely ridiculous."

I giggle. "You're right, but it works. Now straighten your body out for me." As he does, I shift my arm so that his head could rest in the crook of my elbow. That is, if his head was actually in the water. "Chad, if you don't put your head back you'll sink." He grumbles about it, but slowly tips it back until it rests on my arm. "See, that's not so bad, is it?"

"I guess not. You're going to let go now, aren't you?" he asks hesitantly.

I nod, kissing his cheek softly. "You'll be able to do it all on your own, I promise. But just in case, I'm going to keep my arms right underneath you. You'll go down a little bit farther, just like when you were experimenting over there, but if you stay this way and breath, you won't go under. Do you trust me?" He nods slowly, and I carefully lower my hands away from him. His breathing is a little tight, but he's doing it. I take his hand gently. "There you go, you're doing it. You can relax, Chad. You don't have to be so stiff."

Slowly, almost experimentally, he begins to relax into the water. Suddenly, he laughs. "That's weird. It's really that easy?"

I nod. "That's all there is to it."

He nods, musing over this for a minute. "I guess it's harder to sink than I thought."

I smile, helping him back onto his feet and kissing him softly. "I'm so proud of you, Chad. That was amazing!"

He hugs me close. "I could never have done this without you. And I know I still have a long way to go, but…one step at a time, right?"

"One step at a time," I agree. "Come on, let's go change."

* * *

**Yay! This chapter made me happy, which was good because I was in a funky mood. Of course, I should be studying for finals, but…oops. Please review and make me even more happy!**

**Love and butterfly kisses,**

**TheSongSmith**


End file.
